Checkmate to the Wilful Toddler
Checkmate to the Wilful Toddler
By Eden’s Gate
How can we teach our kids to have boundaries, be obedient, and be aware without squashing their unique personalities? To begin, I think having a structured routine at home is important, along with using gentle discipline to guide them in the right direction. If you must constantly yell and threaten them, then you’re not really setting boundaries for them – you’re just as lost as they are.
Toddlers are just trying to figure out where they fit in your world and in the world in general. They’ll keep pushing boundaries until they hit a limit. As parents, it’s our job to set those limits. Without boundaries, we’re lost even if we’re in the right place. Boundaries help us understand our place in the world. We need to be their safety net to help them navigate personal and social situations without getting hurt. It’s also about protecting them from themselves. As a parent of four, I know that the hardest part is keeping my kids safe from accidental harm. If they don’t listen to “Stop” or “No,” they won’t stop a car from hitting them either.
Having a flexible routine is key to keeping your sanity and making the most of your day. It’s all about finding the right balance between structure and spontaneity. So, set your routine but also give yourself the freedom to make changes and adjustments as needed. This way, you’ll have peace of mind and enjoy quality time, even when things don’t go exactly as planned.
As toddlers grow, they want to have a say in what they do during the day. But don’t go negotiating everything, like when it’s time to eat, clean up, get dressed, have a bath, or go to bed. Instead, give them a small choice in how they do these things. Too many choices can stress some kids out, so keep it simple. For example, at dinner, ask if they want to use the blue bowl or the purple bowl. Or let them choose between a Superman or Spiderman sippy cup. When it’s bath time, ask if they want to play with boats or fish. Hey, I’ve laid out your clothes. Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue one? I noticed you’re about to dump out your entire toy box. If you do that, it’s going to take forever to clean up. So, you have a choice: you can either throw everything out and then pack it all away, or you can just take out a few toys, but you’ll still have to put them back later. And if you make the wrong choice, I’ll be here watching until you’ve packed everything away. You can cry and throw a tantrum all you want, but I will stick to my guns and make sure you learn the lesson. Next time, you’ll know better. No need to yell, just stay calm and keep going.
When you go to the mall or visit friends, make sure you think about what your child needs before you leave the house. They can’t handle going out and being social if they’re hungry, thirsty, or tired. Always bring with you what they’ll need, and it’s also a good opportunity to teach them about sharing with others.
Going grocery shopping can also be a real struggle sometimes, with all the overwhelming sights and sounds in the stores. But I discovered that if I kept my kids focused on one item, it made the whole experience much more peaceful. No matter if I had one or four kids with me, the first thing I’d do was let each of them pick out their own drink or snack. Then I’d remind them of the rules: they couldn’t open their treat until we paid for everything, and if they acted up, we’d put their snack back. I tried to shop quickly so they wouldn’t get too antsy. The look of pure happiness on their faces when they finally get to open their chosen treat… priceless.
When it comes to anything in life, if you keep at it, do it repeatedly, and follow through, you’ll eventually find success. By establishing a calm and organized routine at home, you’ll make room for quality family time and a stronger bond. If every day is filled with yelling, crying, and losing our cool, we won’t have any energy left for the good stuff.
